April: The Paleo Diet (Or, Say Goodbye to the Captain)

The second month-long challenge for April is the Paleo Diet.  Inspired by Andrew Bacon's Challenge, I decided to try to only eat what is on the Paleo Diet (basically what a caveman could eat), for the month of April.  On the diet, you can only eat: Lean meats, Fresh fruits, Vegetables, Eggs, & Nuts.  No processed foods, no dairy, no cereal. 

Now, I have heard a lot of things from both sides about this diet.  Some say that the lack of carbs is just plain stupid, while others (especially some friends who are now in the military) have right up there next to the gospel. 

Here's my take:  I have been doing a 'practice run' this week.  I've mostly been eating fruit for breakfast and lunch and meat and vegetables for din-din.  I haven't really been swayed either way until yesterday.  I've been slowly getting over the holidays (yeah, the ones in December), and finally have been running regularly for like two weeks.  I've been trying some longer runs (2.5 miles, if that counts as 'long').  Anyways, the point is this: I had been running the 2.5 mile loop in about 23-24 minutes.  That's like a 10 min mile.  But, yesterday, I finished it in 19:50!  I cut off four minutes of time since last thursday?!  How did I go from a 10 minute mile to under 9 mins? 

Maybe I've just been getting used to running, but I am leaning towards the fact I've been eating healthier. 

But we'll see how April goes.  Now I just have to kill my addiction to the Captain...

I am changing a few of the rules though.

1. Milk in protein shakes is allowed.  Like Andrew, I'm not trying to lose weight, but gain some muscle.
2. Yogurt is allowed.  Hopefully the Greek kind, with way more protein and less sugar. 
3. Coffee after Easter.  I've given it up for lent. 
4. Finally, 'fresh' fruits and veggies are expensive - I'm allowing canned/frozen ones.  Just gotta check that salt/sugar content. 
5. Peanut Butter.  I know cavemen didn't have any... but that's their problem.

There's a good chance I'm going to break some rules, but it's still gonna be an interesting month!  Probably have some updates later.

April: Read Through Desiring God with me and Piper

That's right!  You can read Desiring God AND hear discussions with the brilliant author himself - John Piper! 

During April, Bethlehem College and Seminary is sponsoring the event.  Every Thursday in April, there will be a live webcast (and archived version if you miss it) at John Piper's blog .

I'm pretty excited - I've actually never read the book, but I have started it a few times.  Now, I have a little extra motivation.  I'll be trying to post updates about some topics, but I think there'll be way too much to discuss... we'll see. 

So, join in, even if you've already read it!

The schedule is as follows:

Schedule
12pm EST – Live
12pm CST – Rebroadcast
12pm MST – Rebroadcast
12pm PST – Rebroadcast

March 31

Chapter 1 – “The Happiness of God: The Foundation for Christian Hedonism”
Chapter 2 – “Conversion: The Creation of a Christian Hedonist”

April 7

Chapter 3 – “Worship: The Feast of Christian Hedonism”
Chapter 4 – “Love: The Labor of Christian Hedonism”

April 14

Break (The Gospel Coalition 2011 National Conference)

April 21

Chapter 5 – “Scripture: Kindling for Christian Hedonism”
Chapter 6 – “Prayer: The Power of Christian Hedonism”

April 28

Chapter 7 – “Money: The Currency of Christian Hedonism”
Chapter 8 – “Marriage: A Matrix for Christian Hedonism”

May 5

Chapter 9 – “Missions: The Battle Cry of Christian Hedonism”
Chapter 10 – “Suffering: The Sacrifice of Christian Hedonism”

CRASH (Part VI): A Blessing

(So, maybe that last post was a little misleading.  I mean, what was the 'answer'?  Should I keep going on with medicine?!  Well, you're in luck, because that will be answered now.)


So, let's look at what just happened.  It started with some doubts I had for a long time which finally surfaced - "Do I really want to be doing this?", "Is medicine my passion?", "Have I just been going along this whole time?"  Then, things got bad.  I was going crazy trying to roll up my sleeves and figure this out alone.  When that didn't work, I talked with my community, and finally, God.


In this struggle, the real problem was unearthed: I was finding too much of my identity in what I did.  When I didn't know what I would be doing career-wise, I crumbled away.  Too much of my satisfaction was found in what I was doing.  My whole self was relying on this pillar, and that pillar was crushed.


Who do I believe did this crushing?  Well, I believe that God did.  Why would a good God do that?


I'll show you.

-----| | |-----

(Note: You should know that everything in this series happened in a span of five days.  Two days after things finally settled our story picks up.)


I had a phone meeting with a certain medical school to discuss last year's application.  (The meeting was set before these doubts showed up.)  I called the school and was put on hold.  Then, I realized I was actually going to be talking with the Dean of Admissions!  No pressure, right?


But then something amazing happened.  As I talked with him through my application, we started to click.  Once he found out that I was re-applying as a Texas resident, he encouraged me!  Moreover, he told me that we should keep in touch and that he would be willing to look over my application before I sent it off!  The icing on the cake was this - he told me to let him know when I sent it off, and that he would go and look for it!  How as this happening?! This was the Dean of Admissions!  


Now, I didn't go into this conversation trying to butter anybody up or even 'get my name out there.'  Still, something amazing had happened.  If it wasn't me, how did this happen?  Maybe the dean was just a nice guy, but I believe God had all of this planned out.


He had just crushed my dependency for satisfaction in myself and my career, and now, 48 hours later, He was blessing me beyond belief!


(FYI to answer all those wondering -  I'm going to continue with medicine because I think God is clearing that way for me.  But, unlike before, it's on the table as an option, not a "known".  If I feel lead somewhere else, I'm ready to drop it.  But, like I said, right now it seems as if God has blessed me here.)

-----| | |-----

And so, that's the big, final lesson I learned from all of this.  God wants to crush those areas we cling to, and then bless us.  He brought me through this time of struggle because He loves me as a son:

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”
      Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children.  For what children are not disciplined by their father? -- Hebrews 12:5-7

He found an area of my life where I was shutting Him out, so He pushed me a little, and I fell apart.  Then, once I realized my absolute need and dependency on Him in this area, He brought a little of  His kingdom here on earth - a blessing.  Jesus told us:

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" -- Matthew 7:9-11

Now, I'm not promising you anything.  God isn't going to bless us all with corvettes and mansions.  He only works according to His will (which, could include corvettes and mansions I guess).


If there are areas of your life where you are pushing God out - beware!  He will find them, and He will crush them.  Not because He isn't good, but because He loves us.


We read that one day, "every knee will bow. . . every tongue will acknowledge God."  So, by choosing to follow His ways now, we're just getting a head start on the inevitable.  We can choose to acknowledge Him and His ways now, and be a part of His kingdom now; or we could wait it out, and miss out on all the goodness God desires to bring to his people!  Find those places where we are relying on ourselves and destroy them!  


So this is the choice we're left with:  Be crushed now or later. Become an adopted son and see God's kingdom realized here, or continue to be a 'god', building pillars that can't support the weight.  


Your choice - for now.




CRaSH is a short series of lessons learned from a time of deep struggle in my life.  View all posts here.

CRASH (Part V): An Answer!

"What am I living for?"  

This has been a question I've wrestled with for months here in Dallas.  With a 9-5 job, I suddenly had all of this time on my hands.  I could come home, relax, and . . . do what?  The achiever in me thought of grand goals such as reading every book I own, or getting a second job.  The gamer in me just wanted to sit inside and play Xbox.  I had worked and fought for free time in college, and now, I had way more than I could ever dream of.  

Then, all of this stuff came up about my career path.  I had tried to solve things myself - that didn't go well.  Then, I talked it through with some of my community; and I was beginning to get a few answers.  

----- | | | -----

My friend and I had decided that this experience may be less about what my future career would exactly be.  It was more about this: I was holding on too tightly to this path.  There have been so many times when I knew I would've followed God anywhere He told me to go; but in the back of my mind I thought,"...but I'm still going to medical school, right?"  God owed me this, right?  

Of course not!  And so, I gained some good wisdom from that talk - I was most definitely clutching this dream too tightly - so, my mindset went from a fist, to an open palm, as if to say "Do with me as You will."

But this was not the root of the problem.  The root was deeper.  

----- | | | -----

You see, in all of this, I was avoiding the one relationship which could actually help - God.  Oh sure, I prayed a lot during this time, but I wanted an immediate answer.  Instead, I was lead into this time of suffering and struggling without an answer to my prayers.  But, I think He wanted it that way.  

The real answer came after I had tried everything else.  I was contemplating all these events, and praying with the Lord again.  And finally, something was brought to my mind - the real problem.  

The real problem went all the way back to my identity.  Imagine, if you will, that my entire identity was a 'house.'  In it, my strengths and weaknesses, purpose and direction, likes and dislikes, etc.  At the bottom, was the foundation, holding everything else up.

Sounds good, right?  What God showed me was another column, underneath that whole 'house', struggling to support the entire thing.  In that column was where I found my true satisfaction, purpose, direction - and that was in my career and the things that I can do.  That column propped up everything.  And that's what all of this was about - that pillar was crumbling, and so the entire house was falling!  Without knowing exactly what I would be doing, (I mean, I just had a little doubt about how passionate I am!) the entire thing fell.

And so, the answer was this: My satisfaction, my joy and purpose will never be satisfied by a career.  I will never be satisfied by how much I can do or get done.  What I do is not meant to support the rest of me - it can't!  And, it didn't - it fell apart when things got tough.  

----- | | | -----

So, I want to touch on the importance of identity.  Specifically, what our foundation is.  If everything else were to fall apart, what would we have left?  Our money?  A spouse?  A son or daughter?  Creativity?  Something we've done?  Our body?  What would we try to find our hope in?

Well, here's a newsflash - whatever we put there is going to eventually fail!  We will lose money, get old, lose a loved one, become disabled. . .  Anything and everything we fall back on will fail.  (Just ask Brett Favre).

Apparently, my faith has been in my performance for a long time, and I had built up a nice pillar for my career.  And then, with a little stress, it just crumbled away this week.  A very weak foundation, indeed.

I submit that we must put our full trust and faith in something else.  That is, someone else: Jesus Christ.  The bible says that He loved us, even in our rebellion; He came to bring us to the Truth, despite all the world's lies; and He died and rose again, allowing us to come into a relationship with a true Foundation.  It is only in Him, the eternal lover of mankind, who calls us to Him, where I can put my true faith and trust.  

Because everything else will fail.

----- | | | -----

"Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it." - Mathew 7:24-28

(Don't fret, there is one last lesson coming in this series!)

CRaSH is a short series of lessons learned from a time of deep struggle in my life.  View all posts here.

C.R.a.S.H. (Part IV): Community

"It is true, of course, that what is an unspeakable gift of God for the lonely individual is easily disregarded and trodden under foot by those who have the gift every day.  It is easily forgotten that the fellowship of Christian brethren is a gift of grace, a gift of the Kingdom of God that any day may be taken from us, that the time that still separates us from utter loneliness may be brief indeed... It is grace, nothing but grace, that we are allowed to live in community with Christian brethren."

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Life Together)

If you remember, I was in a desperate place.  I had realized how many hidden doubts and fears I was keeping.  When these came to the surface, there were just too many.  I couldn't handle it, I couldn't begin to process them all.  Like I said before, things were really going downhill. . .

I had to talk with someone besides myself.  I had literally thought and worried myself into a corner.  There was nothing else I could do. 

So, the next place I turned to was my community. 

----- | | | -----

A good community is very healthy.  I stress good because not all friends and fellowship are good.  A good community should:

• Allow members to freely express doubts, fears and challenges.
• Confess with each other.
• Point each other back to biblical truths and eradicate lies the members believe.
• Serve each other
• Challenge each other to live out what they believe.
• Commit themselves to each other's growth.
• Have dance parties together.   

For Christians, we need to find other Christians.  Why?  Because other Christians understand that we are both mere rebels before a holy God.  In fact, advice given from a non-Biblical perspective may hurt us more. 

Bonhoeffer explains this very well:

"The most experienced psychologist or observer of human nature knows infinitely less of the human heart than the simplest Christian who lives beneath the Cross of Jesus. The greatest psychological insight, ability, and experience cannot grasp this one thing: what sin is. Worldly wisdom knows what distress and weakness and failure are, but it does not know the godlessness of man. And so it also does not know that man is destroyed only by his sin and can be healed only by forgiveness. Only the Christian knows this. In the presence of a psychiatrist I can only be a sick man; in the presence of a Christian brother I can dare to be a sinner. The psychiatrist must first search my heart and yet he never plumbs its ultimate depth. The Christian brother knows when I come to him: here is a sinner like myself, a godless man who wants to confess and yearns for God’s forgiveness. The psychiatrist views me as if there were no God. The brother views me as I am before the judging and merciful God in the Cross of Jesus Christ." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Life Together)  

Community is under-appreciated.  But, it really is a blessing when worked out properly.  I highly recommend Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer.  The man has some practical ways to live out deep, thoelogical truths.  Very good stuff for any community. 

----- | | | -----

A year ago, in the Forge, I had the 'dream-team' community.  There were twenty-four of us, dedicated to each other, teaching, challenging, inspiring, and rebuking one another.  Twenty-three other solid rocks for when one of us was not so solid. 

Today, my community is much smaller, but still effective. 

So, after two days of struggling with all of this alone, I finally sent out a few emails and made a few phone calls.  I met up with a really close friend.  I spilled out all of these crazy thoughts and doubts and fears I had been steeped in.  And, honestly, being vulnerable never felt so good.

And here's the amazing thing.  My friend didn't need to give me an answer from some deep theological proof.  In fact, half of the healing was in his listening.  As I sorted everything out in my mind to explain things, just talking about them made many things clearer. 

When we did talk, it was about simple truths and promises in the Bible.  Nothing deep.  I had heard what he told me before, but now I really heard them.  The words really were a Rock I was clinging to.  Like Psalm 40 says: "He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand."

After our conversation, I talked with others in my close community.  And slowly, more answers came. 

So, wherever you are, find a community.  Not only will you need it one day, but you can bless those who are currently struggling.  A community is one of the best investments you could make.  Find one, or start making one.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. -- Hebrews 10:24-25

My C.R.a.S.H. (Part III): Downhill

Continuing the story . . . 

After the traumatic car ride home, I was scrambling for some solid ground.  I was in a storm of doubts, fears and insecurities. . .

They raced through my mind - "If medicine isn't my passion, then what is?  Have I been going the wrong way all along?  If not medicine, then what?  I need to know!  What should I do?  Where should I go?"

But there was also another factor: my pride.  I had come all this way, tried so hard - could I just walk away?  What would people think?  I had invested a lot here, and didn't know if I could let myself turn back. 

In times like these, what we rely on comes to the surface.  Where do we go? Where do we turn?

----- | | | ----- 

Well, the first place that I went was: myself.

Hours after 'the realization,' I already had a plan.  It was so simple - if I wasn't passionate about medicine, then all I had to do was find something that lined up with the passions I knew. 

The answer? Computers.

Yes, I decided I was going into computer programming - you know, learning code and stuff.  I based this on my passions - I knew I enjoyed solving problems and creating systems. Plus, a less strenuous job would allow me to be more involved in a church, community, etc.  That was it - all my fears were solved.

It sounded so good.  That night, I even talked it through with my parents.  I remember saying things like, "I think I just ended up in the wrong field.  The passions that led me towards medicine overlap with the ones in programming." 

I went to work the next morning, decided on my new path.  But as the day went on, I went back and forth between continuing to medicine and switching to Comp Sci.  My head was a swamp of thoughts and it had been working overtime since my passions came into question.  I was still stuck.

----- | | | ----- 

There was a major problem in my thinking.  And I couldn't see it.

My head was spinning from a torrent of hidden doubts and fears.  I had simply latched onto a plan because at least it was some direction.  I was not thinking clearly at all.  I couldn't trust myself; I was distressed, and irrational.  So how could I help myself? 

The tough answer was: I couldn't.

When things came crashing down, the first thing I tried to do was fix it all myself.  My lesson here was that not every problem can be conquered alone.  And a lot of problems shouldn't be.  It's easy to see now, but I easily forget this in the midst of things.

So, I hadn't fixed anything alone.  In fact, things were looking worse!  All of those fears just kept circling.  I was flip-flopping between two career paths.  And now I couldn't even trust my own mind! 

It was

                all

 spiralling             

                           downhill. . .

I realized I could not save myself.  So, I turned to something else.  Something I learned to treasure during the Forge. . .



but that's for the next post.

CRaSH is a short series of lessons learned from a time of deep struggle in my life.  View all posts here.

My C.R.a.S.H. (Part II): A Hidden Problem

"There is meaning in every journey that is unknown to the traveler."
— Dietrich Bonhoeffer 

I'm always amazed how quickly our lives can go from peaceful to painful.  A lot can change in an instant. This is how this 'crash' began:

Things were spectacular.  It was a bright, Sunday afternoon and I was riding home to Dallas.  That weekend, I had met with the majority of my Forge class to celebrate and send off two of us going into the Army.  I got to see many faces and catch up with these uber-close friends.  That Sunday morning, we had a hearty breakfast together, and just enjoyed each other's company fully.  

So, as I rode home, I was still surfing on the weekend's high.  And then, out of my empty, blissful little mind comes the thought: "I am not passionate about medicine." What?! Where did that come from?!  

To describe exactly what happened in my mind just then is what I imagine a ship's "Full Stop" would be.  (You've seen Titanic, right?)  "Stop the engines!" , "shut 'er down!"  That's what happened to my brain.  

But, the most devastating part was that I knew it was true.  "I'm not passionate about medicine," I thought.  

----- | | | -----

Now, looking back, I know where this thought came from.  You see, it wasn't the first time it had been through my mind.  It wasn't even the second, third, or tenth...  

This was a doubt I had for years.  It had battered me as soon as I began to pursue a career in medicine.  And it wasn't the only one.  But, each time a doubt came up, I simply hid it.  I banished it from my thoughts.  Then, I hid it from people I talked with, and even over-sold my confidence in going into medicine -"Out of sight, out of mind."

And so, this is the first thing I learned from this ordeal: Hiding fears, doubts or insecurities from yourself or others is simply stupid.  

Why? 

• These problems and insecurities never go away.  I pushed this fear down for 3 years!  Yet, after all this time, nothing had changed since college.  I had never worked my way through it.
• If kept hidden, no one can help you. 
• After sharing something that was hidden, it loses it's power.  For me, I realized I had to talk to people about this.  And, once I did, I was able to look at things more clearly, and deal with the doubt.

So, don't hide doubts, fears or sins.  Share them!  That's when some real progress can be made!

The story continues. . .

CRaSH is a short series of lessons learned from a time of deep struggle in my life.  View all posts here.

My C.R.a.S.H. (Part I): The Preview

There are certain periods of life that we remember well.  Sometimes it's an amazing concert, a sunny vacation, or a perfect "Kodak moment" sunset.  Or, perhaps it's a tough time in life.  Times when we feel disconnected, alone, or frustrated.  Either way, they stick with us.

Last week, I lived in both of these extremes.  I'm pretty sure I could write a book on all the life lessons I learned.  Instead, I'm going to write out the story and lessons here, for all to see (because who has time to write a book?)

I'm going to be calling this short series CRaSH, or Career Reassessment and Some Hardships.  (Doesn't CRaSH sound better?)  The focal point of everything that happened was in my future career.  When I was honest with myself, I could not answer this question: "Am I really passionate about medicine?"  But, I'm getting ahead of myself. 

Through this time of doubt, frustration, and searching, I believe that the Lord purposefully was teaching me something (a lot of things!)  Through writing this story, I want to share what I've learned about:

• Where we get our satisfaction in life
• The importance of Community
• How abundantly God wants to bless all areas of our life
• The issue of 'hiding' our problems from others.
• And more...

I'm really excited to share this story with everyone.  I think this is not only beneficial for readers, but also for me to solidify exactly what happened last week.  I'm posting these as soon as they're written, and I hope to have the first part up this week!  So stay tuned...

A Super Bowl Sunday Story

A Chance Designed Encounter

I like football.  I really do.  Until the day I die, I will probably be a Kansas City Chiefs fan, not matter how many Sundays are spent yelling at the television.  Football is just simply great entertainment.  I remember watching the big game with some friends from The Village Church.  We had a good time eating together, making fun of the halftime show, and rooting for the Green Bay Packers.  And we laughed at the commercials, each second costing millions of dollars, and soon forgot them.  It was a good night.

A week after the game, I met someone who had a very different experience of that night.  It was Valentine's Day, oddly enough, the first day I began volunteering in the ER of a major Dallas hospital.  There was a man there, probably homeless.  I never caught his name.  I had to pass by him multiple times as I worked.  Each time I passed by, I was careful not to bump his feet in the narrow hallway.  They looked to be burned - mostly black with a few specks of pink.  I didn't think much of it as I worked (there is some CRAZY stuff there). But later I overheard his conversation:

"So, it looks like you have some frostbite here.  How long have you had this?" 

"A week or so.  Since the day of the Super Bowl."  

"Why didn't you have shoes on?"

"Don't have none."

And that was all I caught, but it was enough.  

-----|  |  |-----

So, What's the Right Action? 

I'd love to analyze the irony of the hundreds of millions of dollars spent on the Super Bowl while a guy like this froze in the street.  But it doesn't do him justice.  The tough reality is that with all our technology and financial wizardry, even in 2011, this still happens.  People freeze, even in Dallas.

I am aware that there are many intricacies and points of view on homelessness.  Some people choose homelessness, while others abuse the system and use all their donations for alcohol.  I have met and talked with both types of people in Houston.  But there is one thing we must get straight - read this:

"Is not this the [way] I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free and to break every yoke?  Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from you own flesh?

Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.  Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, 'Here I am.'  

If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.  And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail." {Isaiah 58:6-11}

Whatever our views, if we want to be obedient to God's words, we must help them.  And I hope and pray we can continue to have compassion towards them, especially when others do not.

-----|  |  |-----

Oppression is always oppression / No matter the reasons or means / For skin or for sex / By stares or by fists it's the same / There are blinders on everyone ~ Derek Webb, American Flag Umbrella