Sidewalks in the Snow

Life is like walking on sidewalks in the snow.
The only way to see if you're still on the sidewalk is to look back and study your footprints.

Necessary Nonsensicality.

I needed a lighter post.

I did no work on Saturday.

I did a ton today.


The MoMiner made me risk the weather to snap some pictures of Lions Club Park.


This one's for me. (and, I guess for you too now)

Also, I guess I'm crazy, but I cut my finger today, and I really wanted a picture of it. So, here's two.



AND



It's ok. You can think it. I like to be different.

-bryce


How long should it take somebody
Before they can be someone?

Cause I know there's got to be another level,
Somewhere closer to the other side
And, I'm feeling like it's now or never
Can I break the spell of the typical?
~Mutemath (Typical)

5-4-07

I found some really inspiring words from...myself. I wrote all last spring semester and had forgotten about what had happened and what was going on until I read some old notebook. I found this entry encouraging (who would think you could encourage yourself?).

It's dated 5-4-07

"I can feel a change coming. A sobering change. I think I'm going to grow up. Yeah, that sounds cheesy, but it's time.

I want to live for God? Well, it's time to get serious, cling to His promises, and start doing it. It's time to start communicating with people for real.

I want to be a doctor? It's time to study. Time to memorize. Time to get serious.

It's time to be there for people, help them through this life. It's time to be honest, time to think about the effects of my decisions. "A life with meaning can't exist with a life with happiness". I think God has made it possible. I need to start showing some joy. Start smiling more. Stop complaining. Be there.

I need to "embrace life". I have to stop thinking about what people think of me. I have to start thinking about what God thinks of me.

It's time to do things- not because I want to, but because I'm called to, or must do for others. It's time to let the video games go. Time to let lust go. Time to stop making excuses, and be the guy. It's time for action.

-Bryce

PS
I think, although people won't admit it, people look on Christians and judge our standards. Now, why do they care if we mess up? If there is no God, then what we do should not matter to them. But, it does. When they need someone, they see God in us and trust. I think."

Did I grow up?

"For your salvation I wait, Oh Lord." Genesis 49:18

Honest Thinkings part II

I can hear my Physical Chemistry lab report screaming for completion, but there's a few thoughts a'brewing that must come out somewhere.

So, here's Honest Thinkings part II

1. God wants us to fall more in love with Him every day. I was reminded of this tonight as I walked to UC East. Above me, the stars where shining, as they do, but below, on the layers of ice, another display was beginning. The streetlights made heavens below my feet as the light reflected off tiny pieces of ice, blinking in new patterns with every step. God wants to dazzle us everyday. And he often does.

2. After every discussion about righteousness or false teaching or most anything to do with Christianity, I realize that what I do always comes down to why I do it. If the motivations are wrong, the action is wrong, no matter how 'righteous' the action makes me.

But, when I glance over my motivations, and I honestly ask myself why I do things, I don't like what I see. Do I go to church to visit with God, or because I 'have to' (what would people think of me if I never went to church?). Do I help people so my Christian friends will think I'm a super-cool follower of God, or am I trying to display God's love to a neighbor? Why do I want to be a doctor? Why do I exercise?

"Do not do your acts of righteousness before men to be seen by them. If you do, you will receive no reward from your Father in heaven."

3. Our room has been going through the Sermon on the Mount. As we finished today, I thought about how simply not sinning is not Jesus' whole plan for us. It's step 1. Step 2 is realizing we have a body and a mind to show others around us our God (through various means).

It's so easy to sit in the CCH and not sin. It's easy to be dazzled by God in the joy we find. And, it's easy to leave things at that. But I think Jesus calls me to more than this. He calls us to do good. In the study we just finished, he gives numerous examples of how to help people and why we should. I'm living as a passive Christian. There' so much more.

4. I want to memorize Dallas Willard's conclusion to the Sermon on the Mount:

"As a disciple of Jesus I am with him, by choice and by grace, learning from him how to live in the kingdom of God: how to live within the range of God's effective will, his life flowing through mine. I am learning to live my life as He would live my life if He were I. I am not necessarily learning to do everything He did, but I am learning how to do everything I do in the manner that He did all that He did.
As his apprentices, we pass through a course of training, from having faith in Christ to having the faith of Christ. As a proclaimer and teacher of the gospel of his kingdom, I do not cease to announce a gospel about Jesus. That remains forever foundational. But, I also recognize the need and opportunity to announce the gospel of Jesus - the gospel of the present availability to every human being of a life in The Kingdom Among Us."

-Bryce

Honest Thinkings.

No, you read the time correctly. It's late. I couldn't sleep. I tried, but I ended up getting some apple juice and taking a shower. I'm going to take some sunrise pictures with some friends at 6, so why sleep?

Now, you get to hear my thoughts (beware, they don't have much conclusion... they just are)

(1)I've been worrying about something semi-random. When I leave Rolla, will I have anyone to keep in touch with? And, I mean really keep in touch with, someone I could visit or call when I can't sleep? There's not very many people from high school I still talk to. I hope it's different when I leave here.

It's gonna be weird to be in my "final year" of college next year (except for med. school). All the awesome people I met when I came here will be gone. I guess it'll be up to me to be the new awesome guy. I guess I'll have to be mature or something... And, Mark will only be here half a year. Heck, he'll be married this time next year... crazy.

But, I've been worried. I've tried to come out of the CCH shell of internet, movies and video games to connect with people, but it seems like that's where everyone else is. It's like I came out of my cave to find everyone having a party in another. It's lonely.

(2) Can I quit it all and be a photographer? It would be so much easier.

Funny story. A few days ago, I got an email from a lady who goes to Vineyard. She was asking me if I wanted to take pictures for her wedding! ME! I felt I was completely unprepared for such a thing. But, then I was thinking... gotta start somewhere. I would have done it. Unfortunately, her wedding is on the day I take the MCAT! Med school's already getting in the way of my fun...

(3) *Deep stuff ahead*
SERVICE
So, I've had a few service opportunities in the past week, and I've definitely found some encouragement. Tuesday, our gel group handed out refreshments to random people at the Multi. It was awkward for a while. I hoped people wouldn't ask us why we were handing stuff out. I didn't want to explain to them how Jesus served and told us to look out for each other. What if they laugh, even on the inside?

But, after a few encounters, it was kind of fun. People responded positively. Apparently, it just takes a little confidence to get people comfortable.

Then, today I was helping with the blood drive, and they asked me to hand out fliers. Yuck, I hate it when people throw those things at me... Anyways, I learned a valuable lesson, so get your pens ready.

See, I thought approaching people was only weird bc I did it in Christian service projects, where God was involved. Trust me, the feeling is universal. But, if people reject you, they aren't really rejecting you, they're rejecting what you represent.

I'm sure there's a verse like that in the Bible, but I surely understood this today. After this realization, it was kind of fun to approach people with the fliers. They were more uncomfortable than I was! And, they came up with the lamest excuses. Once I saw that they really just didn't want to give blood, I wasn't afraid to talk to people and try to convince them otherwise. So, take heart and have confidence when speaking to people about God. They may reject Him and His grace, but not you or your faults.

(Now, I was thinking about this today too- they are rejecting you IF you really believe in the message. I feel rejected when people reject God only because they are disagreeing with a large part of my belief system.)

(4) I know I had another point... Oh yes... WHY CAN'T WE EVER BE COMPLETELY HONEST?
I get tired of faking happiness. The next time someone asks, "How's it going?" I may just answer them honestly. "I'm pretty stressed about this or that." or "Man, this situation is kind of depressing" etc.

I don't like to be honest with people because being totally real brings me closer to people. Then, they may want my time or help or money or something. That sneaky word... commitment! *Gasp*

It bothers me in other ways too, not only in conversation. You've heard the advice - "smiling is contagious, it makes you and others happy" Well, there may be some truth to that, but why fake a smile if you're having a crappy day? Or laugh at a joke you don't get. I do it just to fit in. Stupid Pride...

Well, it's 4:30. I'm gonna go read or think or write or who knows what for a few hours. I hope you enjoyed my unfiltered thoughts (the filter turns off around midnight). I hope I don't regret this later... no, I won't. These are my honest thinkings.

b ryce

PS I had a dream today that I bought a MacBook. Best dream ever.

Seems I'm Staying As the Others Cross Finish Lines

As a cheesy line from the 80's - this song explains where I am right now:

Once alone and too afraid
Of strangers knocking my door
And well, you came in
I knew you'd win
But I was sitting on the front porch, swinging
And waiting

I tried walking with you in mind
But looking down I saw my feet were tied
Got to thinking how easy it would be
Within the fear and chains being a part of me
And waiting

Always waiting
For my ride to pick me up
On my time
Seems I'm staying
As the others cross finish lines
I could break with the day
I could set in to speed
But to tell you the truth, I'm always waiting
Always waiting

Caged in with a beautiful view
And I was waiting for the night
When I could soar with you
But when you pick me up, release me to fly
I found that I could not always try
And waiting

Always waiting
For my ride to pick me up
On my time
Seems I'm staying
As the others cross finish lines
I could break with the day
I could set in to speed
But to tell you the truth, I'm always waiting
Always waiting

(Don't want it back...)
(I don't want it back)

Always waiting
For my ride
Please pick me up tonight
I can't stay here
I know I can see my finish lines
So I'll break with the day
And I'll set in to speed
Are you driving away?
Are you driving to me?
To tell you the truth, I'm always waiting
Always

All we did was find our wings
Always
All I can do is drive away
Always...

~Mae, Waiting

PS - keep up with 204 with our new blog! 20feaux.blogspot.com

God, the Separator

I got a great Bible for Christmas. It has a fancy name, "The New Inductive Study Bible", but it presents the Bible unadulterated (or at least the most I've seen). There are no commentaries, no chapter titles. Not even red ink when Jesus speaks. It's NASB, which is the closest to the original Hebrew and Greek (so I've heard).

Now, the coolest part is their strategy in reading. There are certain ways you mark words. God, Jesus, love, blood, heaven, spirit, suffering, etc., each have their own separate symbol and color. Also, you get to write in the chapter titles. You can look over the chapters and see by the symbols what the main focus was (and you have to read carefully to mark all the words). Then, you write the theme in a big list at the end of the book. So, you can see the main themes of the book all in one place, chapter by chapter. Even cooler is the lead-ins to the chapters. They point out things to focus on, things to watch out for. They ask a few questions or tell you to note lists in the book. All of this together really helps me remember what I've read and understand more than I have before. It's great.

Now, I say all of this not to promote the version (but, I would recommend it to all), I do have a point. I started reading through the Bible at the beginning of the year. Also, I joined CCF in reading through the Bible in a year. (Which, I know I want to be reading the bible for a year, but I may not finish it in a year...).

I learned something cool that has applied to and expanded on some thoughts I've had lately: God is a separator. The Separator. In genesis 1 he creates light and dark, then he separates them. He makes 'the waters' and separates the waters from above and the ones from below to make heaven. He separates the sea from the land. In the garden, God tells the two not to eat from two trees. He ends up separating from them for their disobedience. God calls one nation to be holy, seperate from the others. They can't stay with other peoples and idols. He separates them.

Then, hundreds of years later, a man tells his ever-fearful followers: "Do not think I have come to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword." A sword divides things, it's a wedge; a separator. He says, "for I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter againste her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man's enemies will be the member of his household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who recieves Me recieves Him who sent Me."

Seeing God as the Separator is enlightening and downright depressing. There are people I know who I will not be spending eternity with. Even more, if God separates, there are people I know in this life who I can't be with all the time. My friends, family; God may call me away from it all.

God is a separator for a reason though. And, it's obvious if you think back to sunday school. What's the old phrase, 'God and sin can't mix'. God must separate the holy from the unholy (and He will one day for good.) But, I think that in these days, He is busy separating holy from unholy. Or, holy paths from unholy ones.

Tonight, I had an argument with God. There's a situation I've been obsessing about. But, it's distracting. It's dividing my attention from God. It's not a sin in a sense, but it is if it's dividing my attention from Him. But, God can be very persuasive. That's when He made most of the above make sense. He reminded me of eternity, and the people who I can hang out with forever there. All along, I knew the right thing inside. I guess I just asked Him about it to hope His plans would align up with my wants.

There's a joy, nay, a peace about doing it God's way. I don't say joy because I'm not happy, but I am content in God's timing and plans and promises. I don't like it, but I know I'm doing what He wants. So, I'm not happy, but at peace. (Yes, it's possible).

So, I may be separated from this one thing I want or think I need, but it's ok. God is a separator, so I can see Him in all of this. He wants me to be holy. "Sin is crouching at the door," He reminds me. "You think you want this, but this is what you need." So, in separation, we become holy.

**Note: This separation/holiness is not a way out of interacting with the world. While it has physical consequences, I think it's spiritual. We must be the holy ones, the light, in the world for others to see our Separator.**

We are God's possessions

Well, howdy. I've been realizing lately that I put a lot of thoughts up here, and not much that's actually going on in my life. So, let's talk.

I got this sweet camera for christmas/birthday. Since then, I've been taking a ton of cool pictures, figuring out how the camera works and stuff. It's kind of like a creative rampage. Some people say they're not creative, art is beyond their limits, and some say creativity is a muscle, and being creative helps your ingenuity later. It's different than both of those for me. I just like to make things that I think look cool. That's all I'm ever going for. So, maybe creativity does increase over time, but I think it's just because I know some different ways to make things look cool (to me at least). What do you think about creativity?

I had to do a devotional last week, and it was intense. But good. In the process, I came upon a really sweet verse. I was looking for verses about being "set apart" or holy. I came across Deuteronomy 7:6.

For you are a holy people to the Lord your God; the Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for His own possession out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.

I could talk a while on how we should be set apart, and not look like or want what the world wants. But the second half of the verse gets me. "God's own possession". I was thinking about Dr. McIntosh (who spoke on evolution v. creation), and how even if he can disprove evolution, I'm not sure people will flock to Christianity. Coming to God is a hard, humbling road that most people don't want to deal with.

With this verse in mind, I think we can show God in other ways. If we allow Him to use us as "His own possession", heads will turn. People will be curious. And why shouldn't they be? God and man were meant to work together, so by fulfilling this, people will see it. This is my new goal at least, to let people see God using me, and wanting to know this God.

Also, read 1 Peter 2:9-17. Good stuff.