C.R.a.S.H. (Part IV): Community

"It is true, of course, that what is an unspeakable gift of God for the lonely individual is easily disregarded and trodden under foot by those who have the gift every day.  It is easily forgotten that the fellowship of Christian brethren is a gift of grace, a gift of the Kingdom of God that any day may be taken from us, that the time that still separates us from utter loneliness may be brief indeed... It is grace, nothing but grace, that we are allowed to live in community with Christian brethren."

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Life Together)

If you remember, I was in a desperate place.  I had realized how many hidden doubts and fears I was keeping.  When these came to the surface, there were just too many.  I couldn't handle it, I couldn't begin to process them all.  Like I said before, things were really going downhill. . .

I had to talk with someone besides myself.  I had literally thought and worried myself into a corner.  There was nothing else I could do. 

So, the next place I turned to was my community. 

----- | | | -----

A good community is very healthy.  I stress good because not all friends and fellowship are good.  A good community should:

• Allow members to freely express doubts, fears and challenges.
• Confess with each other.
• Point each other back to biblical truths and eradicate lies the members believe.
• Serve each other
• Challenge each other to live out what they believe.
• Commit themselves to each other's growth.
• Have dance parties together.   

For Christians, we need to find other Christians.  Why?  Because other Christians understand that we are both mere rebels before a holy God.  In fact, advice given from a non-Biblical perspective may hurt us more. 

Bonhoeffer explains this very well:

"The most experienced psychologist or observer of human nature knows infinitely less of the human heart than the simplest Christian who lives beneath the Cross of Jesus. The greatest psychological insight, ability, and experience cannot grasp this one thing: what sin is. Worldly wisdom knows what distress and weakness and failure are, but it does not know the godlessness of man. And so it also does not know that man is destroyed only by his sin and can be healed only by forgiveness. Only the Christian knows this. In the presence of a psychiatrist I can only be a sick man; in the presence of a Christian brother I can dare to be a sinner. The psychiatrist must first search my heart and yet he never plumbs its ultimate depth. The Christian brother knows when I come to him: here is a sinner like myself, a godless man who wants to confess and yearns for God’s forgiveness. The psychiatrist views me as if there were no God. The brother views me as I am before the judging and merciful God in the Cross of Jesus Christ." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Life Together)  

Community is under-appreciated.  But, it really is a blessing when worked out properly.  I highly recommend Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer.  The man has some practical ways to live out deep, thoelogical truths.  Very good stuff for any community. 

----- | | | -----

A year ago, in the Forge, I had the 'dream-team' community.  There were twenty-four of us, dedicated to each other, teaching, challenging, inspiring, and rebuking one another.  Twenty-three other solid rocks for when one of us was not so solid. 

Today, my community is much smaller, but still effective. 

So, after two days of struggling with all of this alone, I finally sent out a few emails and made a few phone calls.  I met up with a really close friend.  I spilled out all of these crazy thoughts and doubts and fears I had been steeped in.  And, honestly, being vulnerable never felt so good.

And here's the amazing thing.  My friend didn't need to give me an answer from some deep theological proof.  In fact, half of the healing was in his listening.  As I sorted everything out in my mind to explain things, just talking about them made many things clearer. 

When we did talk, it was about simple truths and promises in the Bible.  Nothing deep.  I had heard what he told me before, but now I really heard them.  The words really were a Rock I was clinging to.  Like Psalm 40 says: "He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand."

After our conversation, I talked with others in my close community.  And slowly, more answers came. 

So, wherever you are, find a community.  Not only will you need it one day, but you can bless those who are currently struggling.  A community is one of the best investments you could make.  Find one, or start making one.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. -- Hebrews 10:24-25

My C.R.a.S.H. (Part III): Downhill

Continuing the story . . . 

After the traumatic car ride home, I was scrambling for some solid ground.  I was in a storm of doubts, fears and insecurities. . .

They raced through my mind - "If medicine isn't my passion, then what is?  Have I been going the wrong way all along?  If not medicine, then what?  I need to know!  What should I do?  Where should I go?"

But there was also another factor: my pride.  I had come all this way, tried so hard - could I just walk away?  What would people think?  I had invested a lot here, and didn't know if I could let myself turn back. 

In times like these, what we rely on comes to the surface.  Where do we go? Where do we turn?

----- | | | ----- 

Well, the first place that I went was: myself.

Hours after 'the realization,' I already had a plan.  It was so simple - if I wasn't passionate about medicine, then all I had to do was find something that lined up with the passions I knew. 

The answer? Computers.

Yes, I decided I was going into computer programming - you know, learning code and stuff.  I based this on my passions - I knew I enjoyed solving problems and creating systems. Plus, a less strenuous job would allow me to be more involved in a church, community, etc.  That was it - all my fears were solved.

It sounded so good.  That night, I even talked it through with my parents.  I remember saying things like, "I think I just ended up in the wrong field.  The passions that led me towards medicine overlap with the ones in programming." 

I went to work the next morning, decided on my new path.  But as the day went on, I went back and forth between continuing to medicine and switching to Comp Sci.  My head was a swamp of thoughts and it had been working overtime since my passions came into question.  I was still stuck.

----- | | | ----- 

There was a major problem in my thinking.  And I couldn't see it.

My head was spinning from a torrent of hidden doubts and fears.  I had simply latched onto a plan because at least it was some direction.  I was not thinking clearly at all.  I couldn't trust myself; I was distressed, and irrational.  So how could I help myself? 

The tough answer was: I couldn't.

When things came crashing down, the first thing I tried to do was fix it all myself.  My lesson here was that not every problem can be conquered alone.  And a lot of problems shouldn't be.  It's easy to see now, but I easily forget this in the midst of things.

So, I hadn't fixed anything alone.  In fact, things were looking worse!  All of those fears just kept circling.  I was flip-flopping between two career paths.  And now I couldn't even trust my own mind! 

It was

                all

 spiralling             

                           downhill. . .

I realized I could not save myself.  So, I turned to something else.  Something I learned to treasure during the Forge. . .



but that's for the next post.

CRaSH is a short series of lessons learned from a time of deep struggle in my life.  View all posts here.

My C.R.a.S.H. (Part II): A Hidden Problem

"There is meaning in every journey that is unknown to the traveler."
— Dietrich Bonhoeffer 

I'm always amazed how quickly our lives can go from peaceful to painful.  A lot can change in an instant. This is how this 'crash' began:

Things were spectacular.  It was a bright, Sunday afternoon and I was riding home to Dallas.  That weekend, I had met with the majority of my Forge class to celebrate and send off two of us going into the Army.  I got to see many faces and catch up with these uber-close friends.  That Sunday morning, we had a hearty breakfast together, and just enjoyed each other's company fully.  

So, as I rode home, I was still surfing on the weekend's high.  And then, out of my empty, blissful little mind comes the thought: "I am not passionate about medicine." What?! Where did that come from?!  

To describe exactly what happened in my mind just then is what I imagine a ship's "Full Stop" would be.  (You've seen Titanic, right?)  "Stop the engines!" , "shut 'er down!"  That's what happened to my brain.  

But, the most devastating part was that I knew it was true.  "I'm not passionate about medicine," I thought.  

----- | | | -----

Now, looking back, I know where this thought came from.  You see, it wasn't the first time it had been through my mind.  It wasn't even the second, third, or tenth...  

This was a doubt I had for years.  It had battered me as soon as I began to pursue a career in medicine.  And it wasn't the only one.  But, each time a doubt came up, I simply hid it.  I banished it from my thoughts.  Then, I hid it from people I talked with, and even over-sold my confidence in going into medicine -"Out of sight, out of mind."

And so, this is the first thing I learned from this ordeal: Hiding fears, doubts or insecurities from yourself or others is simply stupid.  

Why? 

• These problems and insecurities never go away.  I pushed this fear down for 3 years!  Yet, after all this time, nothing had changed since college.  I had never worked my way through it.
• If kept hidden, no one can help you. 
• After sharing something that was hidden, it loses it's power.  For me, I realized I had to talk to people about this.  And, once I did, I was able to look at things more clearly, and deal with the doubt.

So, don't hide doubts, fears or sins.  Share them!  That's when some real progress can be made!

The story continues. . .

CRaSH is a short series of lessons learned from a time of deep struggle in my life.  View all posts here.

My C.R.a.S.H. (Part I): The Preview

There are certain periods of life that we remember well.  Sometimes it's an amazing concert, a sunny vacation, or a perfect "Kodak moment" sunset.  Or, perhaps it's a tough time in life.  Times when we feel disconnected, alone, or frustrated.  Either way, they stick with us.

Last week, I lived in both of these extremes.  I'm pretty sure I could write a book on all the life lessons I learned.  Instead, I'm going to write out the story and lessons here, for all to see (because who has time to write a book?)

I'm going to be calling this short series CRaSH, or Career Reassessment and Some Hardships.  (Doesn't CRaSH sound better?)  The focal point of everything that happened was in my future career.  When I was honest with myself, I could not answer this question: "Am I really passionate about medicine?"  But, I'm getting ahead of myself. 

Through this time of doubt, frustration, and searching, I believe that the Lord purposefully was teaching me something (a lot of things!)  Through writing this story, I want to share what I've learned about:

• Where we get our satisfaction in life
• The importance of Community
• How abundantly God wants to bless all areas of our life
• The issue of 'hiding' our problems from others.
• And more...

I'm really excited to share this story with everyone.  I think this is not only beneficial for readers, but also for me to solidify exactly what happened last week.  I'm posting these as soon as they're written, and I hope to have the first part up this week!  So stay tuned...

A Super Bowl Sunday Story

A Chance Designed Encounter

I like football.  I really do.  Until the day I die, I will probably be a Kansas City Chiefs fan, not matter how many Sundays are spent yelling at the television.  Football is just simply great entertainment.  I remember watching the big game with some friends from The Village Church.  We had a good time eating together, making fun of the halftime show, and rooting for the Green Bay Packers.  And we laughed at the commercials, each second costing millions of dollars, and soon forgot them.  It was a good night.

A week after the game, I met someone who had a very different experience of that night.  It was Valentine's Day, oddly enough, the first day I began volunteering in the ER of a major Dallas hospital.  There was a man there, probably homeless.  I never caught his name.  I had to pass by him multiple times as I worked.  Each time I passed by, I was careful not to bump his feet in the narrow hallway.  They looked to be burned - mostly black with a few specks of pink.  I didn't think much of it as I worked (there is some CRAZY stuff there). But later I overheard his conversation:

"So, it looks like you have some frostbite here.  How long have you had this?" 

"A week or so.  Since the day of the Super Bowl."  

"Why didn't you have shoes on?"

"Don't have none."

And that was all I caught, but it was enough.  

-----|  |  |-----

So, What's the Right Action? 

I'd love to analyze the irony of the hundreds of millions of dollars spent on the Super Bowl while a guy like this froze in the street.  But it doesn't do him justice.  The tough reality is that with all our technology and financial wizardry, even in 2011, this still happens.  People freeze, even in Dallas.

I am aware that there are many intricacies and points of view on homelessness.  Some people choose homelessness, while others abuse the system and use all their donations for alcohol.  I have met and talked with both types of people in Houston.  But there is one thing we must get straight - read this:

"Is not this the [way] I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free and to break every yoke?  Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from you own flesh?

Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.  Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, 'Here I am.'  

If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.  And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail." {Isaiah 58:6-11}

Whatever our views, if we want to be obedient to God's words, we must help them.  And I hope and pray we can continue to have compassion towards them, especially when others do not.

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Oppression is always oppression / No matter the reasons or means / For skin or for sex / By stares or by fists it's the same / There are blinders on everyone ~ Derek Webb, American Flag Umbrella 

Libya: What I Know from Reading too Many CNN Articles

UPDATE: GOOD CHANCE TRIPOLI (& GADDAFI) MAY FALL TODAY. (bbc)

What's going on?

I've already explained the situation many times this way, so just go with it. 

Col. Gaddafi is the leader of Libya.  Think of him as Darth Vader, ruling The Empire (Libya) very strictly.  The country's military is loyal first to him, but. . . many units are defecting to join The Rebellion. 

The Rebellion began around Feb 16.  "Protests of any kind are prohibited in Libya but the latest unrest was triggered by the arrest of a lawyer who is an outspoken critic of the government." (BBC.com).  Soon, the peaceful protests were broken up with severe violence.  Eventually, the people began to take control of major cities and increasingly called for Gaddafi to quit.

Now, the Rebellion has gained control of the majority of the country, most of the east.  However, Gaddafi has begun to use his troops to severely retaliate against the rebels.  In a recent article, a bomber crashed outside a major city because the pilots bailed out.  Their orders? Bomb the major civialian city of Benghazi (670,000 people).  (read CNN article on this).  Also, there was a report of Gaddafi ordering four warships to fire artillery on these same eastern cities. Bad stuff.

So, if it wasn't clear before, Col. Gaddafi will do anything, including murdering civilians, to stay in power.

But, from the looks of things, the 'rebels' are almost in control of Libya.  The final battle will be for Tripoli, the home of Gaddafi and the military.  Meanwhile, the control of the rebels is moving from east to west, towards Tripoli.  Check out this map:

(http://ericyoungonline.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/libya-map-control-of-key-cities-feb-24.jpg?w=664&h=300)

Why should we care?
1. Injustice.

The people in Libya are being massacred. Many reports come in each day about the military firing on civilians and peaceful protesters using snipers, strafing planes, bombers, warships. It is the final flailings of a ruler trying to stay in power against his entire nation.

2. Oil.
The United States does not get oil from Libya.  However, a majority of Europe's oil (85%) does come from there. If they are not able to get oil, we will both be competing for the same supply and voila, prices go up.  Fixed supply, higher demand = higher prices.  That's why gas is currently $3.20 in Dallas.

The worst-case scenario for the US is if these same protests begin in Saudi Arabia. That is who we pay to get our oil-addiction fix.  At this time, things seem to be going well there.  But, it is definitely worth keeping an eye on them. 

3. Protests: Good or Bad for the Middle East?   
I have seen two general views on the spreading protests: The Optimists and Pessimists.

The Optimists believe that these revolutions will put strict, Islamic authoritarian leaders out of power and usher in democracies.  This would be a great thing, giving more rights, freedoms and power to the people.

But, the other side believes these protests could actually make things worse.  In more unstable countries (Libya), the old leaders could be switched out for even more radical leaders.  This could lead to more wars, between countries and with Israel.  I can't find the link for this article, but I thought it was a good point.

For now, we can only hope and pray that the rest of these protests will stay peaceful and that demands will be met without violence.  Other potential conflicts are currently going on in: Saudi Arabia, Iran, Yemen, Algeria, Morrocco, Bahrain, Jordan, Iraq, China (!).

So, there it is. I'm glad my addiction to CNN & BBC could be of use!

Curse you Shane Hipps! - Intentionality Online

Alright, don't worry - I don't hate Shane Hipps.  It's more that I don't like changing.  Hipps wrote this recent article which disrupted my normal internet habits.  Give it a glance, as it is definitely worth the read. 

Since then, I have spent lots of time reconsidering what my own online presence should look like.  When I was honest with myself, I began to see immaturity in my social media outlets.  Facebook simply became a way to show off my photos and let people know how "cool" I was. I didn't feel like I could be honest there or it may mess up my "image." 

While Twitter was fun for a while, it became clear how little those hundreds of (actually) great quotes did not really effect me.  Twitter doesn't want to slow down and focus on deep meaning; it wants new, trendy, and fast.

Intentionality is Key
So, for the past few months, I have tried to really be intentional in those areas about what I'm sharing, and why.  Now, that campaign is trickling down to this blog. 

In my reflection, I believe I have been trying to do too much with this blog.  I want to write music reviews, share about small victories, and post links to lolcats.  But, it's time to slim things down.  To give focus here, I have come up with a purpose statement for my blog.  Cheesy?  Maybe.  But, my hope is that my posts will be much more useful when focused on a few points, not everything that comes through my brain.

Without further ado, The Purpose Statement:

There are three things I want to write about on bryceTHINK:  1. Lessons I have/am learning 2. Truths I have realized 3. Awareness of world events / injustices.

The first two are for teaching others and edification.  Also, the casual reader may have noticed that I haven't focused on that last one, but it is fast becoming a passion of mine.

Therefore, no more funny links, crazy ideas, or music lyrics will be posted.  But, my hope is that this really cuts down on the clutter and inspires me to write regularly on important things that I care about.

Before I go, I ask you to think about this question: "Why do I use social media?"  In my own view, I saw much pride and narcisism even in my most "Christian" moments.  "Look at this cool quote I found! Check out how much fun I am having with my friends! Jealous?" 

Recognizing the problem is the first step, so from here on out I want to focus these technologies for intentional, positive purposes. 

"If we learn to wake up and understand, perhaps we will be able to use [Twitter, Facebook] rather than be used by them." - Shane Hipps